Books

Mr. Mean lives up to his name. He lived in what could've been a nice house, but wasn't. It had no pictures, curtains, carpets nor fires. He made his furniture out of old orange boxes and complained about the price of nails. He has a tiny appetite so he only eats very small meals, usually only one meal a day which isn't much at all. He never spends a penny of his money so he keeps his money in a box in a cupboard in his kitchen. He is so mean he gave his brother a piece of coal last Christmas.

Mr. Nonsense lives in Nonsenseland, in a house on top of a tree. When asked why he sleeps in a rowing boat, the answer is "I tried sleeping in a motorboat and it was somewhat uncomfortable." When asked why he eats porridge on toast, the answer is, "I tried porridge sandwiches and I didn't like them." Mr. Nonsense is best friends with Mr. Silly, and when it snows yellow snow, they go for a toboggan in Mr. Nonsense's rowing boat bed and somehow manage to build square snowballs.

That's the deliciously racy topic that Jaine Bright and her three girlfriends are pondering one night at their favorite after-hours hot spot: Mr. Perfect. Would he be tall, dark, and handsome? Caring and warmhearted -- or will just muscular do? As their conversation heats up, they concoct a tongue-in-cheek checklist that becomes an overnight sensation, spreading like wildfire at work and sizzling along e-mail lines. But what began as a joke among friends turns deadly serious when one of the four women is murdered....Turning to her neighbor, an unpredictable police detective, for help, Jaine must unmask a killer to save her friends -- and herself. Now, knowing whom to trust and whom to love is a matter of survival -- as the dream of Mr. Perfect becomes a chilling nightmare.

Mr. Rush is always in a rush. He never does anything properly. He is in such a rush he has a terrible breakfast (toast not toasted, water cold), only brushes one tooth, and runs out of the house to go nowhere. He sees an ad for a vacation in a magazine but can't go away because he has no money, so he wants a job to make money. Being a bus driver isn't good, because he doesn't stop at any of the stops, being a waiter isn't good because he'd whisk away the food as soon as he brought it. The job he finds is as a postman delivering express letters, the best job for the fastest thing on two feet. He saves enough money and goes on vacation.

Mr. Slow takes so long to do everything. It took him until New Year to open his Christmas presents, and until Easter to write his thank-you letters. He tries to get a job. When he tried to be a news reporter, it took him until midnight to read the news. When he tried to be a taxi driver, he delayed Mr. Snooty in getting to the train station. The last job he gets is driving a steamroller.

Mr. Uppity lives all on his own in a very large house in Bigtown. He is one of the rudest people in the world, if not the rudest, and also one of the richest people in the world, if not the richest, living in the largest house with the largest, longest garden with the largest, longest flowerbeds on the largest, longest hill with a high staircase in Bigtown, and having the largest, longest limousine in Bigtown, and he is rude to everybody he meets.